Comic 6 - Under the Secret Rug

7/19/2012 in Prolouge
Under the Secret Rug
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SD 7/19/2012 edit delete reply
Haha, great use of an Urkel catchphrase.
Interesting - I like the effects you did in panel 3!

Now here’s the part where I evaluate your comic as a whole, now that I’ve read the first few pages that are available. I apologize if I seem harsh, but my interest is in giving what useful advice I can, not making people feel bad! I think the Adventures of Max certainly has potential - but there's always room for improvement.

Your photography is decent - the pictures are nice and clear, and generally in focus, and neither under- nor overexposed. Your camera angles are pretty good, although I'd like to see more variation. The camera seems to stay mostly in one place throughout a scene, and you could do more closeups. Also, the camera is almost always at the same height, angled slightly downward (you could change that up a little.) Still, your pictures are better than those of most other brick comic authors who are just starting out, nice job.

As for lighting, you've done fairly well in that regard as well. Not too bright, not too dark - and everything is evenly lit; this is something a lot of other brick comics seem to struggle with.

The font and speech bubbles are ok, and everything is generally readable. (Although a different, clearer font might be better.) Not bad.

As far as your story and concept go, though, quite honestly I think they could use some improvement.

The Adventures of Max seems like an interesting concept - but it's hard to tell what the story is really about, other than Max and a frog named George, who is a clear reference to Doyle's Scotch from Brick House. Some random and crazy stuff has happened, but that's about it.

We don't really know who Max is (or Bob, for that matter). I know there's a character bio for him, but I think a good story (even a whacky and comedic one) should take time to establish who its characters are, during the actual story, no reference material needed.

It's sort of hard for me to get into this comic because - and I apologize if this sounds brutal - I'm not sure why I should care. The story has no exposition or introduction - we are simply thrust into a very colorful world with a handful of wacky characters, and expected to follow the story. “Why is it all important? Why should I care what random things happen to these random people in this random world?” Those are the questions I find myself asking. It’d be good to build up your characters, so the reader can connect with them, and even relate to them - so that when one of them gets vaporized, we feel concerned. (Or think it’s hilarious.)

As of now, my reaction to this comic’s kind of like, “Hey, look at that guy. What’s his name again? I don’t remember… oh, huh, he got vaporized. Oh well,” when it could be more like, “That’s Bob, he’s a kind and sensitive scientist, who wants to change the world for the better. He lives with his family, the Ogelmans, and cares deeply for his friend (brother?) Max and his pet frog, George, that he’s kept since he was young. The Ogelmans aren’t terribly bright at times, but they stick together. Oh no, George is missing! The Ogelmans must be very worried! Oh, there’s George in the lab, but oh no, Bob got vaporized! I hope he’s ok! Maybe he can be re-atomized, somehow…”

Also, just as a side comment, it’d be nice to know what sort of schedule you had for updates, so I knew when to come back and check for the next comic.

Once again, I’m sorry to be so critical, it’s just in my nature. The Adventures of Max is certainly off to a good start, and I look forward to seeing where it goes!
Bane 9/4/2012 edit delete reply
I'm going to establish the story in flashbacks here pretty soon.

Updates on Mondays and Thursdays.
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